Hearts Are Made to be Broken by Love

Well....so much has happened. But me and Spencer are no longer

I went to his house friady. We had a good time. I almost had sex with him, but now I'm glad we didn't. He broke my heart sunday. Too much to write about. I don't wanna repeat the story again.

I donno if I'm gonna keep using this or not. I had only started it to record my Spencer things, but now that it's over, well I guess I have no more Spencer things

I'm Burning in Water and Drowning in Flame

Wow......I guess I can't deny that we're dating now. Even if it's still not official. What we did sure made it seem like we're dating....

We made somewhat elaborate plans so we could go to the movies together. My part wasn't that difficult. I went and stayed the night with Chelsea and Sara at Chelsea's house in town. We went to the movies the next day(Monday). Spencer's plan, on the other hand, was definately more elaborate then mine. He mentioned a couple days earlier that they might have practice sometime that week. Then on monday, he said his coach had called and they had practice that day. When the time came, he had Kevin pick him up and drive him there. and we met up there. The great thing about his plan was that he decided to run alongside Kevin on the way home so he'd be all sweaty and tired.....

We waited outside the movies for him for a while. Turns out that he was already there, so I went in and got a couple more dollers for Sara and Chiz. Spencer and sat in the back right corner(we were at the old theater), Kevin sat one row ahead about ten seats down. And Sara and Chelsea sat two rows a head on the other side of the isle. There were also two random people on the same side as Sara and Chiz, who were really close to the front. let's just say the movie was okay. Which it was, but me and Spencer didn't pay much attention. We were kissing, A LOT! We were also sitting in the same seat, which wasn't the most comfortable thing, but it was fun. We kept moving around while we were "busy" and at one point, I was practically stradling him. It's so cute because, like me, he bites. It was so shocking to find out because my last boyfriends hated it, and when I felt him tugging on my bottom lip, it was heaven. After we would finish a kissing session, we would first just sit there with our forheads together and just be breathing, then I'd lay my head on his shoulder, and he would attack me with little pecky kisses all over my neck and cheeks until he finally got back to my mouth. He also tickled me a lot, and I tickled him back. He was also rubbing my thigh a lot, and at one point, he rubbed my crotch and his hand hit my clit, and he knew he hit it because I sorta jumped, and then he went and rubbed my butt. So basically one of his arms/hands was wrapped in a wierd angle around my leg. Chelsea said she looked over once, and all she saw was a black mass and some random arm sticking out. In short, we had a good time, and when the movie was over, he asked Kevin how his hair looked, and Kevin was just like "you have a sex-head."

Well, I basically had a great time.

So Much Confusion. I Think I'm Going to Implode, or Explode, or Whatever.....

As Sweet as a First Kiss

I just had the best day in my life....

Today was my first high-school band festival. It was the first time I'd be on a bus with Spencer. The way there, I sat by myself, Sara anhd Kelsey a couple seats behind, and he was a couple in front. He was playing with Steve's Ipod, and he was apparently trying to shine it in my eyes, the reflection from the sun, I mean. Well, anyway, we got there, and we went into the gym to put our instruments there. After a few minutes of being in there, we went to watch the orchestra and some other band.in the auditorium. Well, I ended up sitting next to Spencer(^-^), and there was a blanket of tension between us. I didn't really mind as much as I should have because I knew it was a good kind of tension. After we were done watching, we stood up and he asked me if I would sit with him on the way back! I, of course, accepted, leaving the room with a familiar feeling in my stomach. Well, basically, we played, we sight-read, and we got streight ones. Now on to the best part....

Spencer got on the orchestra bus, and I followed him on. I didn't sit with him right away, though. Right when I was about to move into his seat, Barret came and sat with him. It was great because Spencer was trying so hard to push him out, and somehow, tiny little Barret didn't budge. Giving up, he decided just to climb back into my seat. It was so adorable because he fell in, and his legs got stuck up in the air! But I also felt horrible for him because Barret grabbed his foot and wouldn't let go, and it hurt him really bad. Anyway, at first we were mind of just looking at each other and not saying anything. But then we started talking slowly, until it turned into a full out conversation. Then, we progressed by holding hands. It was going good until then, and every once in a while, we'd lean our heads on each other, but our, ummmmm, "contact" increased ten-fold. The reason for that is because the opther bus broke down, and all the other people had to get on to our bus. Not only did we have to be seated three-to-a-seat, but there was about 90-100 people on one bus. The bus even had a wheel-chair lift so that was about five seats that we didn't have. Well, Jeff, the bass player, sat with us, and me and Spencer were squished together, which neither of us minded. After a while, he wrapped his arms around my waist, and he was just holding me and being all cute and adorable and cuddly. Well, it was starting to get dark, and I was leaning aginst his chest, and I looked up at him, and HE KISSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I was unspeakably happy, and we just had a great time. We kissed a couple more times, but there was no tongue thankfully, I'm not ready for that yet.

Needless to say, I had a fantastic time, and now I'm not afraid to talk to him in person. I had always known that I'd  be with him someday, but Ididn't know that it would be so soon....

The Eagle Has Taken Flight

Oh My GOD!!!!!!!! I was talking to Spencer on the computer yesterday, and he started off with the utterly adorable "hey u". It was just like any other conversation at first, until he was like "I have something ot tell you, and I know you'd want to know." I was extremely terrified at first, I thought he was gonna say that he had a girlfriend, but what he said was much more shocking. "Im starting to crush on you." I started crying, I was so happy and so overwhelmed. Even though we still aren't talking in class yet, we will eventually. I know it will work out now....

Today, he looked so sad. It broke my heart. His hair was even wilted. I knew it was probably my fault that he was so horribly depressed. I had written him a note last night. It was basically saying that it took me forever to approach him, and that he doesn't need to be shy around me because I will always be there for him. Always. I also taped in the other half of my HIM necklace. It's two parts of a broken heart. The right side says "Hearts are made to..." and the left side says "Be broken by love." I gave him the right side. I noticed that during band he was monkeying with the chain he had already been wearing, but I couldn't see what he had done. When band was over, he stood up, and I saw that he had put the charm on his own chain. I was so excited that he was wearing it! The thing that stinks though is that the dance was canceled, and I wanted to dance with him.

Tomorrow is band festivals, and if I'm extremely lucky, I might be able to sit with him!